Life is for the Living
by majiklmoon
Summary: The third installment in my POV series. Life is for the Living is told from Alex's perspective after he dies.


_Life is for the Living_

**Rating:** PG

**Disclaimer:** Roswell belongs to first to Melinda Metz, then to Jason Katims and 20th Century Fox. I'm just borrowing them.

**Author's Note:** This is the third installment in my POV series. This is from Alex's perspective after he died.

Thanks to Pooh for the banner!

Being dead isn't all that bad, at least from my perspective. No more homework, no worrying about what I'm going to be when I grow up. No stress over girls, college applications or anything else.

Maybe if I say it often enough, I'll convince myself that it's all true. Being dead is a million times worse than being alive, and it's not because I'm dead. No, it's because of all the people I left behind. I feel their pain you know. Being dead isn't like turning off a switch and ceasing to exist like so many people believe. Nope, I'm right here. Nobody can see me, or hear me – well, almost nobody, but I can see them, I can hear them, and I can feel their pain. I guess it's kind of a cosmic payoff for all the other benefits you get from being dead.

See, the thing is, you have to let go of whoever died, or we're stuck in this limbo forever. And let me tell you, there are quite a few people holding on to my memory. A few of them even surprised the hell out of me.

Liz, that's a given. Liz is on a crusade to find out who killed me. She's positive I didn't commit suicide, and she's certain she my death is alien related. She's not wrong. I know Liz, she's probably one of the best friends I've ever had in my life. She'll figure it out soon enough, and when she does, she'll be able to say goodbye. I know I'll always be in her heart, and never far from her mind, but it isn't the kind of emotion that will keep me tied to this plane.

Maria; beautiful, wonderful, crazy Maria. The nuns in The Sound of Music weren't far from wrong. How _do_ you solve a problem like Maria? She's so caught up in making sure I'm remembered that she's forgetting I could care less if the masses at West Roswell High ever think about me. The yearbook thing is nice, but she's so focused on that, that she's ignoring the one thing that could help her heal, her music. I don't know, maybe it's because it's something that she shared. I never told her, but having her sing with The Whits was the smartest thing I ever did.

Michael surprised me. I never thought he'd be so torn apart by my death, or the death of any human, save Maria. Guess I was way wrong. He is so consumed with guilt over this. He thinks it's his fault he didn't protect me enough. I wish I could let him know it wasn't his fault, there wasn't anything he could do, and if he tried, he might have died himself. Maybe in a way, my dying was a good thing. It's bringing Michael closer to Liz and Maria. He's kind of getting more in touch with his human side. That _can't_ be a bad thing.

Then there's Kyle. Kyle resented getting dragged into the whole alien mess. At first, he resented the time his father gave to the _alien cause._ But that was before he really knew what was going on. He just resented the amount of energy his father focused on Max Evans. He already hated Max for stealing Liz, and then he thought Max was stealing his father. Of course, Max saving his life didn't help a bit. Kyle's a funny one, for someone that exudes such confidence; he's actually a seething mass of insecurity. Too bad I didn't realize it before I died. Kyle's going to be okay, though. He's got the whole Buddha thing going for him, but more than that, he's learning to trust the others. Once he does that, maybe he'll let go of his guilt over what happened. I don't hold it against him. He didn't know. He didn't have any control over what she made him do.

Max. King Max. Talk about a guilt fest looking for a place to happen. The poor guy is being torn to shreds inside over what happened. Liz is so positive that what happened is alien related, and Max is equally as adamant that I killed myself. He doesn't want to bring himself to admit what really happened because if he does that, then he's responsible. I know he's not responsible, but that's Max. Always shouldering the burdens of the world on his shoulders; or at least the burdens of our small little group. Get over yourself, Max. It's not your fault. Start dealing with the realities of that and let me move on. I don't hold you responsible, why are you holding yourself responsible?

Then there is Sheriff Jim Valenti. Now there is a man consumed by guilt. He felt that it was his job to protect us. He just doesn't get it. There wasn't anything he could do to stop this. It wasn't his fault. There wasn't anything he could do, there wasn't anything _anybody_ could do to stop this. I only hope when he finds out what happened, it doesn't send him over the edge.

And then there is Isabel. Poor Isabel pushed me away for so long. She was afraid to let anybody get close to her. Even Max and Michael didn't know her as well as they thought they did. My Isabel - a study in contradictions. She fought so hard to fool everybody for so long, that her fictional ice princess persona was almost became a reality. I feel bad because she let go of it for me. Isabel opened herself up and let me in, and look at what happened. It's not her fault. Isabel didn't do this. I know she holds herself responsible. She thinks that if she hadn't called me to meet her, none of this would have happened. But it would have happened. These events were set in motion a long time ago, and nothing she could do – nothing anybody could do could change them. But Isabel's grief is normal, and natural, and while it is partly responsible for keeping me here, it isn't the only thing. Isabel's grief will soften in time, and she will release her hold on me, but I'll still be here, watching over them.

It's Tess. Tess, and her feelings of guilt are holding me here. I know it sounds strange, but it's true. Tess is more of the victim here in this mess than I am. Nescado made Tess who she is today. He brainwashed her into doing what she did the same way she mind warped me into decoding the book for her. She never meant to hurt me, and she certainly never wanted to kill me. See, the thing is, as her mind warps grew stronger, it opened a connection between the two of us, and I could see into her mind, and into her soul. It isn't the empty black pit of hell that Maria thinks it is, or that Liz wants it to be. She didn't want any part of this, but she didn't think she had a choice. She followed the destiny that was carved for her some 50 years ago, and I paid the price. Maybe some day, she'll understand what really happened, and then, she'll be able to let go of the guilt and remorse she feels. And only then, will I be free to leave this plane and move on.

Life is for the living. I'm waiting for them to live again. Until that time, I'll be here, watching over those I love.


End file.
